Dad for Beginners

Amateurism at its best

A Guide to Baby Footwear


Baby footwear is big business. It is a common misconception in the world of parents that babies need shoes. Often times, new babies receive shoes as gifts for various milestones such as a holiday or even just for being born. Baby footwear comes in as wide a variety as adult footwear and includes shoes for all occasions. Modern babies have been born into a luxurious atmosphere of foot paraphernalia that the medieval 1980s babies of my time never experienced. Baby shoes back in my day came only in the form of booties and were strictly for the purpose of keeping the appendages warm. However, baby footwear has evolved by leaps and bounds since the primitive 80s. There is no time like the present for infants to flaunt their extravagant accessories, even though none of them are actually walking anywhere.

For the baby on the go, parents will find that there is a wide variety of outdoorsy baby footwear available. Whether your 9-month-old is summiting Everest or just talking a leisurely hike in the backwoods, there is assuredly a suitable hiking boot available. For less adventurous yet still active babies, there is a plentiful abundance of less-intense although still effective baby-sized running shoes and basketball sneakers. While these babies may lack the ambition that the mountain climbing baby possesses, at least we as parents can rest assured knowing that her tiny feet are protected and comfortable while she drives the lane or crosses over like Allen Iverson.

baby footwear

Baby Jordans for your little MJ. I can’t think of a better way to spend $70.

Modern babies with more regional interests can find suitable footwear for the lifestyle their family holds dear. Baby cowboy boots are quite popular in the American Southwest, although a lot of parents neglect the heel spurs and use the boots as more of a fashion statement. While this may be cute and all, these parents obviously expect an infant to be capable of maintaining complete control over a thoroughbred without the use of valuable heel spurs. Similarly, high-society babies can sport a wide array of wing-tips, penny loafers, high-heels, and pumps for those wild infant soirées. It has virtually been proven that after a long night of binge-drinking on formula and dancing, female infants spurn the pumps for a more comfortable baby moccasin or sandal very quickly.

baby footwear

How is this poor guy expected to control his steed without heel spurs?

For the naturally athletic baby, household names like Nike, Adidas, and Reebok have complete lines of baby cleats, golf spikes, and scuba fins. This is most certainly beneficial to the average infant sportsman, as proper athletic equipment promotes healthy feet and encourages an elevated performance on the field of play. There is nothing better than a brand new pair of baby tennis shoes to prepare your little Agassi for future Wimbledon success. You might as well open your soon-to-be-famous infant an American Express Centurion Card right now.

baby footwear

Exceptional tennis abilty and baldness. Two characterisitics of Andre Agassi and most infants.

Baby footwear, despite its apparent uselessness, is increasing in popularity yearly. There is seemingly nothing that American parents enjoy more than spending money on footwear for a creature that cannot even walk. Baby shoes, however, are designed to match a lifestyle. One that the buyer believes is essential to the upbringing of their future little cowboy or runway model or basketball star. As near as I can tell, the only thing a baby cares less about than his shoes is nothing.

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