Newborn babies have goat-like tendencies, chief among these is newborn headbutting. This is a far cry from the typical things that you hear; that newborn babies are like potatoes, or aliens, or Winston Churchill bobbleheads…no, newborn babies are more like goats.
Surprisingly, caring for a newborn goat is strikingly similar to caring for a newborn human. While this is assuredly not the reason that baby goats are called “kids,” it certainly is a label befitting of the behavioral similarities newborn goats and humans possess. The link within this paragraph will take you to a fascinating read about how to care for a newborn goat. By no means am I suggesting that you treat your baby like a petting zoo novelty, but indeed, you have to marvel at the similarities. Here is your basic how-to for raising a baby goat.
Perhaps the most prominent trait that a newborn will exhibit in their subconscious endeavor to be more goat-like, is the newborn headbutting. Newborns have a low level of control over their own heads. In relation to their tiny bodies, a newborn baby head comprises approximately one quarter of their body mass. Although it may seem like your newborn is mistakenly behaving like a goat or channeling their inner Zinedine Zidane, it is perfectly normal for newborn babies to strike with their heads.
There is a myriad of internet wiki pages and forums attempting to explain the newborn headbutting behaviors displayed by babies. The “experts” on this critical topic cite everything from hunger, to lack of attention, even potential autism as the catalyst for newborn headbutting. However, none of them satisfactorily explain the phenomenon beyond speculation.
In my experience, the headbutting of a newborn signifies any one of the following: hunger, gas, restlessness, overheating, hunger, anger, melancholy, delirium, nausea, hunger, distress, anxiety, irritation, hunger, languid, or hunger. Good luck figuring out which it is while your baby strikes repeatedly with his head while you desperately struggle to rein it in. Baby heads, despite all the caution and other medical propaganda surrounding them, are surprisingly strong. Don’t be shocked if it hurts when he thumps you with his dome.
Of course, all of this is speculation. As discussed, even experts are not certain why some babies lash out with their tiny skulls. The answer could be simple. Goats. And how humans and goats are obviously connected through some mystical, metaphysical actuality. Not convinced? Here is a creepy video of some goats screaming like humans.
Of course, according to Matthew 25: 31-56, we’re all a little goat-like. But we’ll save the mythology for another day. In the meantime, watch out for that flailing head. Not because of potential whiplash or inadvertent nerve damage, but because that damn thing hurts when it busts you in the lip!