Dad for Beginners

Amateurism at its best

Rage and Marriage


The institution of marriage is a thing of beauty. The tradition of holy matrimony between partners is a sacred union that requires love, compassion, understanding, teamwork, and compromise. But there is an oft overlooked component of a successful marriage that’s just as critical. Limitless rage.

The foundation of any good marriage is based on two things; love and rage. The most successful marriages, the ones that go the distance, combine these two aspects in perfect harmony thereby creating a scenario where rage becomes a basic need for survival. Marriage is practically designed to promote anger and hostility. Two autonomous beings living literally their entire lives together in the same home with countless shared interests will inevitably develop intense resentment, consistent disagreement, and ultimately, enough organic rage to power a small motor vehicle.


This is superficial rage at best. Not marriage material.

For the average heterosexual male, marriage is made easier simply because the average heterosexual female harbors an abundance of rage. Most women are hardwired in this way. Rage is a seemingly natural byproduct of the female genome. Men are introduced to this phenomenon very early in life, often from residing with an enraged mother or grandmother. It is a critical tool in preparing a young man for adulthood. One that’s sure to be filled with copious amounts of feminine rage. The men that let their marriages fail are usually the men ill-equipped at handling the aggressive hostility of the female rage rhino. Building up an endurance to this environment is of paramount importance and is especially crucial to cultivating a long-lasting and fruitful marriage that incorporates all the other factors of a healthy relationship such as compassion, compromise, and support. It takes a variety of such qualities to keep a marriage functioning and yet oddly enough they all grow from the male’s ability to tolerate and even embrace rage. Rage is foundational to all other healthy values and thereby the seed from which the marriage tree will either flourish or die.

Once a man has accepted an ample volume of rage into his life, very quickly he’ll become dependent on it. A man will actively search for new and creative ways to continually enrage his best gal simply because he needs to meet his basic needs. It is important that women recognize this need and react appropriately. Placing blame on the man for intentionally instigating conflict is cruel. It truly is not his fault that unbridled animosity now excites him.


You can tell a lot about a woman by how she attempts to murder you.

A wise man once said that marriage is simply about picking the battles you’ll eventually lose anyway but that’s not an accurate statement. Over time, years of marriage will train the married male to only find angry women attractive. Therefore, picking battles is not about losing, it’s about intentionally losing in order to generate more rage. Because of this fact, bdsm style sexual fantasies rarely work well in committed relationships because the very idea of marriage is rooted in bondage and it becomes redundant. You can, however, spice up sexy time with signature phrases like, “your mustache looks really good today” or “you’re so much like your mother.” Your woman will appreciate the extra effort you’ve made to increase your intimacy and reward you substantially with days of endless sex and a proverbial reservoir of bountiful anger.


Use body language and other non-verbal cues to encourage anger and ultimately, happiness.

The love between a man and woman is a priceless gift that should be cherished and appreciated to its fullest. Although at times marriage might seem like an endless cycle of failed preemptive strikes and routine guilt-shaming, it is simply about embracing the most important qualities and human values by effectively sowing the seeds of rage early and often. Don’t become indifferent to rage. Don’t lose that spark. Marriage is a fun and adventurous journey towards that inevitably painful death that awaits us all. Make the most of that journey.

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