Raising Kids: Children Might Be Parasites - Dad for Beginners Raising Kids: Children Might Be Parasites - Dad for Beginners

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Raising Kids: Children Might Be Parasites


Raising kids is difficult, especially when children and babies don’t always seem all that different from parasites. They attach themselves to a host. They consume. They contribute nothing.

In fact, one could argue that raising kids from fetal to age 18, and sometimes beyond, are parasites. Honestly, what does a child contribute? Nothing. They take, take, take and do not give back. They require time and attention. They require money, seemingly more and more as they age. Let’s be honest here. Any other organism that wrought a similar havoc upon you life would be removed. Exorcised. You would promptly and effectively have whatever it was addressed by your particular brand of voodoo; medically, holistically, religiously, etc. Correct? Of course.  No sane person would tolerate such a parasitic intrusion. 

Children, on the other hand, are embraced. Welcomed. We, human adults, most of whom have undergone some degree of cognitive maturation, willingly and intentionally suffer sleep deprivation, exhaustion, frustration, and sacrifice our valuable time and money in the name of raising kids. Why do we do it? Often times, we make a conscious choice to do it. We do it purposefully. We want to introduce these parasites into our life. I cannot recall the last time someone I know intentionally ingested a tapeworm.

Gluttons for punishment

However, as I understand it, babies can be produced by accident. Imagine that…not creating a baby on purpose. Weird. Anyway, if you are someone who mistakenly created a new human, why would you choose to keep the parasite if you do not fall into one of the above categories?  Seriously.

Human emotion is a weird thing. Truly, it baffles. When you look into the eyes of your parasite, you will not see a money-sucking, time-consuming, attention-deprived, shitting, pissing, crying, and irritating parasitic organism requiring your 24/7 care without which death would befall it. Well, sometimes you’ll see those things. And yes, sometimes you will want to treat your parasite in the manner a normal parasite would be treated. But you can’t. And you know that. And you curse yourself for even thinking that you’d harm a helpless baby.

You see a parasitic organism requiring your full, unencumbered care. You see your child. You see the loose strands of another life blown away like dandelion spores in the breeze and replaced by a creature who’s extraordinary lack of any instinctual ability to care for itself is truly something to marvel at. You see your child. You hear the wind wisp through the catacombs of a couple once filled with togetherness and activity now replaced by the sound of sleet pounding the side of a home with a family inside – and a critter that has no intention of leaving or feeding itself anytime soon. You see your child. And nothing else will matter.

It doesn’t make sense but life is funny like that. 


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